If you wonder why Media guy flies off at such a weird angle, or how Samus could never get out of the way of that dolphin beam in time, let me refer you to panel number 6. NO POINTING OUT PLOTHOLES!!!
Metroid, Samus Aran, Space Pirates, and all that other stuff are properties of Nintendo. Contra is a property of Konami. All other characters are property of their respective owners. Pretty much everything else is property of me, unless specifically noted otherwise.